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things i heard while interviewing guys in prison: a post

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so i'm working these appeals for people who were convicted of capital murder when they were juveniles. you may or may not know that the supreme court said that you can't give juvenile capital murderers mandatory life without the possibility of parole. so now a couple thousand people have pending habeas appeals. this is a list of things i heard while interviewing my guys who are up for appeal. they come from different conversations with different inmates:

(1) to another male attorney: hey boy! you look like you got a tasty butthole!

(2) when asked what sort of things the inmate does not like to do: wearing condoms.

(3) what did you first go to prison for: murder 2. have you ever been out? what got you back? murder.

(4) when asked about his sexual history prior to prison: my step mom used to have sex with me. no anal stuff. just regular sex.

(5) what was the robbery over: a starter jacket i wanted.

(6) what weapon was used in the crime: a screwdriver. i was gonna use it to open the coin machines in the laundromat.

(7) when asked to describe himself: smart, good looking, athletic, determined, funny.

(8) second inmate asked the same question: pretty cool dude.

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Opie

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damn you have a thankless job that probably won't pay much and you're only going to help that one guy who is reformed out of 200 psycho killers but that's cool man. a lot of people would idealistically love to do what you do but never pull the trigger.

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the reformed ones thank the shit out of you. while your mom will tell you that you're probably doing something wrong because these people did kill people and "eye for an eye".

most of them will just stare at you or say wild shit. one guy was exactly like carl from slingblade. he just stared at me while i asked questions and would pause for a good 30 seconds in between responses.

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tgodd

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that was me


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goddamn you, trevor the great

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clark thorny

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josh stop trying to save your brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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clark dropped like 15 exclamation points on me

its an appellate project, clark. jesus christ. these cases are going to go forward with or without me and honestly, i'd rather have my legal career part of a supreme court case than not part of it.

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Opie

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its an appellate project

you just made jason very nervous...

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Opie

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jfc jason

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i don't think i saw a single pallet the entire time but i'll check

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